Name: T.A.M.I. Show
Occupation: A 1964 concert film (yes, I have a crush on a concert film this week)
Status: Um, well, it featured The Barbarians, The Beach Boys, Chuck Berry, James Brown and the Famous Flames, Marvin Gaye, Gerry & the Pacemakers, Leslie Gore, Jan and Dean, Billy J. Kramer and the Dakotas, Smokey Robinson and the Miracles, The Rolling Stones, and The Supremes
Most known for: uh, being collective footage from two obviously amazing concerts that took place in October of 1964, that featured that day’s biggest stars
Recently known for: in 2006, the film was named to the National Film Registry by the U.S. Library of Congress, and it’s first authorized release came this March when Dick Clark Productions finally put it on DVD
Up next: unless you count me watching it every day, nothing
Why you crushin’?: I mean, come on. It’s fairly obvious by now that anything having to do with the 1960s is the greatest thing in the world to me (save for racism and sexism obbbvs). While The Ronettes and The Beatles are sadly missing from this concert and, therefore, film – and, though I can barely stand Diana Ross – I still found myself flipping the fuck out when I finally watched it last night. It started and didn’t fucking stop for two straight hours. Fast songs, slow songs, songs I knew by heart, songs I’d never heard – James Brown and his cape!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When he dropped to his knees, I, literally, said aloud, “Shit! Someone bring him his cape!” and a dude totally brought him his cape. Anyway, not only were the performances outstanding, there were also a good amount of dancers on stage with them that didn’t. quit. Oh and, no big deal, but Tony Basil and Teri Gaar were two of those dancers! I definitely want to watch it again so I can find them. Some girls were in bathing suits, one dude was probably the lead singer of TV on the Radio; I can’t even explain to you how badly you need to find this thing and watch it to death.

Alright, I just checked: you can’t watch it online at Netflix, Amazon, or Hulu, but you can totally rent or purchase it, respectively, at those first two places.

Name: Michael John Douglas (a.k.a. Michael Keaton)
Occupation: Actor, Batman
Status: Divorced from his baby-mom, actress Caroline McWilliams, in 1990, and then dated Courtney Cox for a bunch of years in the nineties, too!
Most known for: he was Batman, Beetlejuice, AND Mr. Mom
Recently known for: playing dads to actresses I liked and now no longer like all that much in Herbie: Fully Loaded (Lindsay Lohan) and Post Grad (Alexis Bledel), and also directorial debuting (The Merry Gentleman) and lending voice to Disney/Pixar films (Cars, Toy Story 3)
Up next: he’ll play police Captain Mauch to Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg’s mismatched detectives in the upcoming The Other Guys, which also stars Steve Coogan (swoon!), Samuel L. Jackson, Dwayne Johnson, and Eva Mendes (among others)
Why you crushin’?: I mean, the dude was my favorite Batman, first of all. Also, I trekked out to a midnight showing of Toy Story 3 Thursday night, and his Ken completely stole the show. He was magnificently Kennish. Wikipedia says Keaton had a failed standup comedy career, but his comedy was gold in this. And in Beetlejuice! I mean, I know he’s reading from a script, but there’s only so much written words can produce, you know? But yeah. I also really enjoyed the very underrated The Merry Gentleman. It was a long film, and darker than I like to see my Bruce, but he was still great in his role. I don’t know, I don’t know; I’m just still high from Toy Story 3 and how completely insane he was as Ken’s voice.

On the next episode of Hoarders.

Alright, so, listen. Not only did I drive to and from Massachusetts and then to North Jersey and back this weekend (what up, New Jersey Turnpike! How you livin’, boo?), I’m also still completely infatuated with The Futureheads this week (and the city of Berlin, for that matter). So, although I was in the presence of The Backstreet Boys last night (oh, hey, Nick Carter), I still can’t really crown a new Crush this week. I just don’t feel right about it.

But another reason this Crushing is difficult to do, might be because it’s an anniversary of sorts with a man I wouldn’t have a Crush on, per se, but who totally fucking rules and I’d gladly let him adopt me as a niece, or something? Can people do that? I’ll look into it. Anyway, this evening, I’ll be attending Silver Diner Night, in support of my friend’s support for her church. I’m no churchgoer, but I do really enjoy food, especially of the diner variety (hi, I’m from New Jersey, nice to meet you); and, you know, charity! Or good deeds! Nice stuff!

Okay, and an hour later I get to the moral of this whole thing. Last year’s Silver Diner Night was the same day I worked up my courage to direct message screenwriter Dave Finkel (he’d surprisingly followed me back on Twitter a month or so before that, which had already sent me into a wild case of the happies). I believe my first message was to not find the message after that to be creepy, and I attached along my email address. The second message was about how badly I wanted to be a screenwriter and I’d hoped he had a minute to give me the poop on the whole “getting into it” thing. I checked my email and Twitter, relentlessly, after, hoping he didn’t immediately “un-follow” me and tell his buddy, Diablo Cody, that he met an insane girl online, or something.

Well, you know what? He fucking emailed me (and with the subject line “Creepy”, of course). Not only that, but he emailed me that he was going to email me back, but had to write a script first, but wanted to assure me that he wasn’t ignoring my frantic plea for help. Then, he emailed me with loads of advice, and we kept up a pretty sweet email chain for a while about the ins and outs of screenwriting, and his life story (he’s written for 30 Rock and Animaniacs, and currently writes for United States of Tara; he also interned at Jim Henson’s Creature Shop and (of course) attended NYU – this guy and his awesome life! (I would, literally, kill him for it)). He’s got a wife, two kids, and a job, so I’ve tried not to bother him too much with my incessant nagging and questions, and I’m still sad I missed out on a chance to meet up with him during my trip to Los Angeles this past November (because I was too chicken to email-remind him), but yeah. He still rules and I’m like a little kid with my excitement over it being a year since we became pseudo-e-friends-or-something.

I don’t even know what this post is, or if there really is a point. It isn’t meant to be at all braggy, or anything, I swear! I just got really psyched when I remembered that fateful Creepy emailing fell on the same day as Silver Diner Night. Also, maybe now that I realize it’s been a year since I begged this person for screenwriting advice, I’ll fucking get my writing act together. Reminiscing isn’t doing shit for getting me a job as the next Tina Fey!

Did I mention that he’s also won two Emmys? Fuck that guy.

(I didn’t want to creep into his Facebook for pictures of him, especially since lots of them also involve his kids and that’d be weird of me to post pictures of his kids online (because it’s totally not weird at all that I remember the first day-ish he emailed me), so I put one of me instead. I love me. Also, he and I share a birthday, so, we’re like the same person anyway.)

Well, anyway, this celebration is off to a great start; I know nothing about one of my heroes and I feel right shit about it. I’m dramatic. So, you know how Tina Fey is my life? Well, Louis C.K. is also my life, but the redhead dude version. If those two had ever married and had a kid, it would’ve been me that popped out. Like Tina, Louie is a brilliant writer (Late Show with David Letterman, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, as well as various projects with Chris Rock), and just an insane and funny person. He also seems like he’d be nice in real life.

I planned on making him my Ginger in March, but then his new FX show, Louie, was pushed back to premiere at the end of this month instead. I’ve been waiting so impatiently at this point, I feel like throwing up. I’ve now watched the (NSFW!) Bobby Canavale preview below four hundred times.

Follow him on Twitter! He’s threatening to quit again, but I’d be really sad about that.

Name: Sam Rockwell
Occupation: Actor, Dancer
Status: Though he’s never been married and never wants kids (bonus!), he’s been dating Leslie Bibb since late 2007 (BOOOOO)
Most known for: uh, like, appearing in everything? Charlie’s Angles, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Matchstick Men, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, Snow Angels, Choke, Frost/Nixon, shorts and episodes of Stella, etc.
Recently known for: being snubbed for a Best Actor Oscar nomination for his work in the film Moon, and tan-hands’ing it up as Justin Hammer in Iron Man 2
Up next: just a few weeks ago, it was announced that Mr. Rockwell will work with Jon Favreau on another comic book adaptation, this one being Cowboys & Aliens (with Harrison Ford, Daniel Craig, Olivia Wilde, and Paul Dano); also, F–K (with Jesse L. Martin, Mariska Hargitay, Christopher Meloni (L&O roundup!), Bobby Cannavale, and Leslie Bibb (boo, hiss)), Betty Anne Waters (with Juliette Lewis, Minnie Driver, Hilary Swank, Clea DuVall, and Peter Gallagher), and Sweet Baby Jesus (with Kim Cattrall, Bette Midler, and Bill Nighy) all due out this or next year (shit, I’m panting while I catch my breath right now)
Why you crushin’?: well, aside from how alarmingly attractive he is, how hilarious he is in every part (regardless if it calls for hilarity), and how much I want to carry him around with me always – there’s also his sweet, sweet dance moves. Seriously, just YouTube “Sam Rockwell dancing”; there is, literally, nothing better.

Name: Haircut 100 – Nick Heyward, Les Nemes, Graham Jones, Phil Smith, Marc Fox, Blair Cunningham
Occupation: British, New Wave, pop group from the early 1980s
Status: Broken up, but I hope still friends!
Most known for: their smash hit “Love Plus One” that brought them to “one-hit wonder” status in the United States
Recently known for: well, they reunited for the VH1 show Bands Reunited and played a gig at Cadogan Hall in London this past December
Up next: they’re no longer together as a band, but several of them have successfully stayed in the music business, with Nick Heyward having released an album with singer and actress, India Dupre, in 2006
Why you crushin’?: so, I happened upon VH1′s 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders of the 80s the other day, and “Love Plus One” was #90. I don’t really know what happened after that because I’ve spent the majority of my time since downloading their album (Pelican West…Plus), listening to their album on repeat, “Like”ing them on Facebook, and watching that Bands Reunited episode (thanks to my friend, Mike Maier!). They’re like Vampire Weekend, but with a saxophone and a trumpet (and I actually like them). I am especially crushing on Mr. Heyward and his dreamy voice and even dreamier looks he gives to the camera in their videos. Swoon central.

I could not find a satisfactory, large picture of this dang band! Stupid Getty Images.

Name: Daniel Jason Sudeikis
Occupation: Actor, Saturday Night Live-er, Dreamboater
Status: Recently divorced from 30 Rock writer, Kay Cannon (#realtalk)
Most known for: Not Ready For Prime Time Player’ing it up on Saturday Night Live and being all Liz-Lemon’s-cutest-ex-boyfriendy as Floyd on 30 Rock
Recently known for: lending his voice to a few dudes on The Cleveland Show and also breaking into movies with the likes of The Bounty Hunter
Up next: I think he’s wrapping up his character arc on 30 Rock this season (saddy), continuing his SNL‘ing and The Cleveland Show‘ing, and he’ll also star in the Drew Barrymore/Justin Long romantic comedy, Going the Distance, out in theatres August 27th
Why you crushin’?: Well, his face. And mouth. And I’ve written about my like-like for him before (scroll it on down). Also, I’ve just become Twitter buds with the writer of Going the Distance, Geoff LaTulippe; he expressed his shock that The Twilight Saga: New Moon has the all-time best Opening Day in film history, so I offered to start a street team to make Going the Distance beat it. Without hesitation, he replied with the greatest thing anyone has ever typed at me. I now have a reason to live, folks! LET’S DO THIS!! AUGUST 27TH, 2010 – SEE GOING THE DISTANCE TWENTY FUCKING TIMES THAT DAY, I DON’T CARE (that would be a scientific impossibility, by the way). But seriously: Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Charlie Day, and – my future, unicorn-riding, topless (I’m adding that) husband – Jason Sudeikis. Also? Christina Applegate, Ron Livingston, Rob Riggle, and Jim Gaffigan. You are, literally, a sack of feces if you don’t see it. Unfortch, there is no trailer yet (as I sell you a movie I haven’t even seen one second of – BUT SEE IT!), so enjoy this favorite 30 Rock/Liz and Floyd scene of mine -