Well, friends, this could very well be the last words you ever read from me. Tomorrow I make my very first, solo airplane trip and I am the nervousest. Airplanes frighten me even when I’m travelling with someone else, but holy moly. The trip isn’t even very long; like I said in my horribly cusstastic video blog from the other day (seriously, can I apologize some more for my fucking mouth, or what?), I’ll be heading on down to Georgia on the morrow (kill me), and yeah.
So, what I’m saying is, should I find myself dying in a fiery plane crash, I figured I’d write a Last Will and Testament. One written on a blog should definitely hold up in any sort of legal matter, especially when I’m dealing with internetty and fake things, right?
To Tammi Jean, I leave my many thousand tweets. It is because of you I’m at that website in the first place, clogging the feeds of strangers everywhere with my incessant cat- and fart-talk.
To Ashley, I leave you any Backstreet Boys (and other random, tweenaged pop acts from the 1990s) memorabilia I might have stashed away somewhere. New Kids on the Block, too. I have some buttons and stuff.
To Jack and Agnes, I leave you all of the tape and Q-tips I own. I know how much you like chewing on those things, respectively, and now I won’t be there to verbally and psychologically abuse you when you do.
To Sandy Bear, take my car and my acceptance to The New School and live for me! Become a real, little bear!
Okay, I’m done. This wasn’t funny and I’m still scared! :(
Oh I disagree, I enjoyed this! Prob because I’m getting awesome stuff, but mainly for your encouraging words to Sandy Bear. Also, you know planes freak me out too and Georgia was the best flight I’ve been on. It’s not long at all!
Thank goodness! But seriously, why shouldn’t Sandy Bear take over my life when I’m gone? It’s not like I’m ever passing her down generations or throwing her out. When I die, she’s getting cremated with me. (Okay, now I’m going to cry about how we all die one day.)
i spent a total of 10 hours in one day on a plane a week ago. if i lived, you will too my darling! you have to, so we can hangout and so i can text you about how jealous i am that you’re hanging with my lj crush janai! it also helps calm the nerves if you’re extra sleepy…you can sleep the whole flight. <3
Ugh! Ten hours all by yourself! I would’ve freaked. You know, the flight doesn’t leave for another hour-ish, you totally have time to tag along!
In about 10 hours I will finally, at long last (!!) see that beautiful face of yours in the flesh! The very thought is keeping me from being able to fall asleep.
Oh, and we are “EFFs” no longer, we have upgraded to BFFs (like months ago, but still)!
I’ll probably be waking up about an hour before it’s time for us to pick you up at the airport, so I hope you have a wonderful flight, and expect to see me simultaneously burst into a fit of giggles and shrieks when I see you.
LOVE dove!
I can’t believe I’m almost there! I’m in the airport now, shitting myself out of fear of this by-myself-flight. Also, it took me so many hours to pack everything just so. I have way too many outfits (lots of tops, not enough bottoms), and all kinds of random things I don’t even need. Oh, well!
I do this too! When I drink too much I tell everyone my password to everything so they can post a status that says I’m dead. Who will protect our internet presence when we’re gone?
Thank goodness I’m not the only weirdo obsessed with death! Or, at least nervous about my own. I hadn’t thought of giving out passwords for friends or family to update my “fans” about my demise. Good idea!
And: To John/Lois, you get all the dirty dishes and at-capacity DVR…?
I do hope that Sandy Bear becomes a real, little bear one day.
Precisely! I hope she does, too. I want us to play Bingo together when we’re old ladies.