I’ve only gone to bed about five hours ago, but I’ve now been awake two-ish hours. I ate some No-Doz last night (we all know what this does to me) for a midnight screening of Inception. Um, I’m shit at reviews (obviously), so I’m not planning on running through scenes of the film and giving the thing an overall, legit grade, or whatever. I just feel like I need to talk about my experience at it. Or something? Fuck, I don’t know. I slept for, like, three hours, man.
So, I went to TGIFriday’s beforehand to food. I only went to this particular place because it’s located in the same parking lot as the movie theatre; I mean, fuck. They had a DJ “spinning sweet tracks” in there. Totally not a place I frequent. I had some lemonade and fried string beans and mashed potatoes (because I’m five), and then walked over to the theatre. It wasn’t as insane as the midnight Toy Story 3 experience, but the characters (watching the movie, not the ones in the movie!) were just as annoying. I digress.
I pop in a No-Doz (and almost fucking choke on it, for real) and get ready for my mind to disintegrate. The trailers beforehand were all kinds of “meh,” but the lot of us super-enjoyed the preview for M. Night Shamalamadingdong (okay, M. Night Shyamalan’s) Devil. And by “super-enjoyed,” I mean that we all sat in silence during the trailer and then erupted into a chorus of groans once his name popped up onto the screen. Then we laughed at ourselves because we’re awful people.
Alright, movie starts: ten minutes in, I’m already, practically, looking around me with my hands up like, “What is going on, am I right, people?” Well, I mean, listen; I’m totally a smart person (despite the conversational way I write and ironic usage of “totes” and the like). I completely understood everything that was happening, but sometimes you just have to be like, “What!,” you know? Because what you’re seeing – in this movie – is something your brain has probably never even imagined. How Christopher Nolan’s head isn’t oozing brains right now is a mystery I’ll never solve. We all dream. We all (maybe) wonder what it’d be like to travel into someone else’s dreams and thoughts, but this movie just brings it to levels of dream and reality and story that you can’t even begin to think of. And I think, probably, more than any other living human. As I’m typing this, I’m also thinking of a number of other things. My brain never stops, which is why I tend to accidentally sleep in shifts. I trail off mid-sentence, or run through several tangents of story. Sometimes I lose my breath because all of my thoughts fever pitch and eventually, like, explode inside of my mind.
And that is exactly how this film will make you feel. Like you’re a fucking lunatic. Because I’m a lunatic. Yes, you’ve been reading the ramblings of an insane person this whole time! Obviously! But, for real. I don’t think I’m spoiling anything by saying that this movie brought to fruition my sometimes wonder about whether or not this is reality. (That sentence was stupid.) I mean, totally, I know that I’m in real life right now, but yeah. I’m just saying… things. I don’t know, dude. I’m, like, wide awake and exhausted at the same time right now. Here are a bunch of stills, I guess (no spoils abound, promise!):
Pictures stoled from here, y’all.
Wait, hold on. Can we just talk about how every single piece of human in this film was uh-buh-banging? Because, yes.
That 3rd pic is a total spoiler! JGL kills them all and he becomes the Dream Master! Neo, the One! Seriously though – does JGL insist that he looks like a million dollars in every dapper vest he wears in every movie these days?
Ha! That’s totally why I said the thing about the spoilers, because it really looks like he’s standing over dead bodies. I just really liked that picture! But yeah, it’s like he had his own personal stylist and tailor come in to make his suits. I don’t hate it!
[...] and maybe even a Superman movie – What! Why you crushin’?: I think I said enough about Inception. On top of that, this brain has thought up those previous films I mentioned, which I’ve also [...]